New Years “Resolutions”

 It’s a week into the New Year. Has everyone been sticking to their New Years Resolutions?!

My request with my clients, as well as in my own life, is to do less. Not more. The new year should be a reminder to do some cleaning out, thinning down and donating of old things, clothes, etc. as well as old behaviors. Let’s let go of that which does not serve us. Just like finally deciding to throw out that ugly sweater your mother in law got you for Christmas ten years ago that you have been hanging on to for sentimental value – we all have ways of doing things that don’t necessary “work ” but we hang on for emotional reasons.

This post is slightly inspired by a book that I received for Christmas and had a great time reading. It is called The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck! By Mark Manson. Basically, what Mark is trying to tell everyone is to take inventory of the things you give a crap about. Then, reprioritize based on how you want to live your life. If the things you are giving a crap about are causing you problems in your life, in your relationship with others, then it’s time to rethink your craps.

Here are some examples of where people place their craps, knowingly or unknowingly, that ends up hurting their relationship with others as well as themselves.

Needing to be right

Needing to make things “look easy” for you

Needing to make sure everything “looks perfect”

Not being able to accept criticism/judgment done in a loving manner

Not being able to admit when you need help

I see symptoms of these underlying problems in clients I have worked with over the years. Usually the effects of these problems look like depression, sadness, irritability, isolation, and just general unhappiness. If you are suffering from the things listed above, it usually leaves you feeling empty, unsatisfied, or alone. So, my answer, do less. If you seek other’s approval by making everything and everyone around you look perfect or making sure no one ever disagrees with you- let that all go. Just see what happens.

You are not going to change these behaviors overnight. It is very hard to do that, because usually they are a product of a survival mechanism, “make things look perfect so that no one ever really ‘sees’ me”. And these problems are best looked at with the help of a mental health professional. But, in the day to day, you can try to cut back. Notice how your comments, reactions, and conversations change with people around you and with yourself by doing less of the things that keep you closed off from the people around you.

So- let’s all do less with more focus. Live and love with intention rather than habit. Less talking about yourself, less pictures (selfies especially), less jealousy, less thinking/ worrying/ analyzing. Less Facebook, Instagram, twitter, even less Spotify. And dare I even say, less Netflix and Hulu and HBO. How about less emojis!?

What are you going to do less of this New Year?

Thanks for reading!

Annie Kendig